my grandmother passed away
The first thing i thought was “this isn’t fair.”
the second thing i thought was that if i have kids, no matter where im living, my mom will meet my child. I'll put money aside for it.
it was in elementary school when I learned that it was uncommon for people to not know their grandparents.
“I spent summer at my grandparents house” made me a bit jealous.
or the concept of walking to your grandma's house and her feeding you so much that you knew you’ll be full for days.
My maternal grandmother was a bit ill. she was divorced and lived in a house with a nurse, paid for by her 4 kids. including my mom.
She knew our names and faces, but remembered nothing else. I didn’t get to tell her about my dating stories, and tell her about how different courtship is in American versus 1960s Zimbabwe. She didn't get to tell me stories about apartheid and segregation living under British rule, then transitioning to a free but still corrupt nation. Or how my mom was growing up and what it was like to raise her.
I mean, imagine your oldest child having 4 girls and you never get to meet them? My parents were desperate for her to meet us, considering my paternal grandparents passed a year before my oldest sister was born.
They were trying to get her to come here, but with her health and the struggle for the visa, it wasn’t possible. Especially after 9/11.
We couldn't really go as a family, because the cost of 6 people traveling to Zimbabwe is immense. My parents didn't start making good money till recently.
Not to mention there is a tiny immigration loophole that could have caused 3 family members to be stopped at the border getting back into the US, despite being lawful residents. The risk is now down to 1 member getting stuck overseas, but the political climate means it’s not worth the risk.
So it was impossible. The stars never aligned.
I can’t even cry without feeling weird; I never knew her. But I just feel a bit more empty. My parents took a plane over there today. I probably won't be able to see her final resting place till I'm secure enough in my career to have more than 2 measly weeks off work per year to visit that country. God knows when that will be.