"take care of yourself"
I don't know how to do that. my mental health quality does not correlate with me reading more, eating healthy, or moving more. I just placebo myself into thinking so because that's what everyone says to do.
I seriously don't know how to take care of myself. when I was at my worst, the onset of depression back in 2019, I had straight A's, no problems in my personal life, nothing. I was fine.
In college during my sophomore year i had a moment when I kinda went crazy. very poor mental health episode. I slept for 3 hours a day for a while. I spent the weekends laying in bed. I still got perfect grades and my friendships didn't suffer.
There was a time in South Korea that ended up with me crying in the subway at 6am coming from a rando's house. never again btw. my friend that lived next to me didn't even know I went though anything bad while in South Korea. My life on the outside was fine.
they say life isn't perfect, so if thats true, my life is fine. I dont need to take anti-depressants, people say they don't work anyway. I dont need to do anything but go to work and eat. If im feeling lonely or angry or sad, it doesn't matter because they said "life isn't perfect", so I shouldn't expect anything.
I could die tomorrow, so does it really matter if i take care of myself? this is something i've never understood.