the dating app curse
The devil on my left shoulder whispered in my ear and told me to re-download Hinge yesterday at work. I'm so stressed about the upcoming grad ceremony and retirement party I'm planning that I am frozen and can't focus.
I did not get the app. My iPhone is still on an older IOS version, so most apps aren't working anymore. I hate the look of the IOS 26 update, so I've been holding off on updating it. It's essentially a dumbphone now.
But I still want to. I'm kind of craving connection (or is it attention?), and hinge/bumble is the easiest way to do so, in theory. I've tried Bumble BFF but if you're not into Taylor Swift or pickleball or tarot cards, then you're kinda fucked. I've never gotten a match on bumble BFF. So I revert back to the "dating" part of the dating app.
The ONLY reason I was using the apps for so long is because my sister found her boyfriend from Tinder, of all places. And he's a normal Christian boy. So i had my hopes up. But I also forget sister number 2 is much prettier than me, objectively. Her pool os bigger and can be more picky.
I'm not actively trying anymore, even though the devil on my shoulder wants me to. Or is it the angel? I don't know anymore. I'd much rather go on dates with people I know, but all the men I know are either hours away via plane or they're married.
I'm meeting an old friend today, maybe she can set me up. (she wont set me up).
Next weekend, I plan on going to a 21+ public library event. I suspect most people will be like 40 since its a 80's and 90's themed event. I haven't been to a "free" ($5) public event in about a year. It's like coming out of hibernation. Do the masses miss me? Maybe. Will i find the love of my life? Probably not, and If i socialize with the intention of finding someone, it ruins the experience.
I thought I'd find him in college, or in Korea, or at work, or at the Ren Faire, or at Best Buy. No dice. If this is God's plan, then I don't think he favors me. I used to pray for him to not kill me in my sleep because I wanted to experience being a grown up. I'm starting to regret it.